We make sense of our world by comparing – we compare everything with everyone else, all the time! It’s like we live on a series of different ladders – one for education, one for income, one for happiness – there could be an infinite number of different ladders we each choose to stand on, but we’re always standing on them comparing ourselves with others around us. Our life is spent ‘keeping up with the Jones’. We spend our time on earth checking our place on all those ladders and working hard to move upwards relative to everyone else.
The trouble with living on a ladder is when you decide you’d like to be on a different ladder entirely. Like when you decide you’d like to leave your big corporate job with the corner office and the health insurance and annual bonus (we can call it ‘The corporate ladder’) and jump onto a different ladder (we could call it ‘The Entrepreneurial ladder’). Jumping ladders is stressful and can feel super risky (especially without a safety net or someone to catch you) and so before you jump – you always take stock by comparing your situation with those around you.
The trouble here is, when you want to make a big change you first compare with people who are on your current ladder. You look up and down at everyone on the corporate ladder. Often there are many who are content and happy with their place on the ladder – sure they may want to move up a rung, but they’re hanging onto this ladder for dear life – because either it feels good to them, or they are totally terrified they’ll fall! The risk here is, you compare yourself and think – ‘What’s wrong with me!’ Either, I should be happy and content with my ladder like everyone else, or maybe I’m a fool and don’t see the risks they see.
What you can’t see when you only look at others is that you’ve outgrown this ladder, you’re not them and so your experience is unique and the comparison is no longer relevant to your situation. This ladder’s measure of progress and success is no longer meaningful to you. In fact, if you listen too closely to the voices of comparison, then you’ll stay exactly where you are – only with the added twist that regularly beat yourself up because you’re not enjoying life as much as everyone else around you or WORSE you’ve woken up to the fact that you’re living life in fear, too afraid to jump to a new ladder.
The alternative reality is you look across to your future ladder and compare yourself to people climbing that one. You notice people who made that big decision years ago and have made the jump and created a huge success. Now, this is a better comparison to make – it can inspire – but the comparison trap is also here. The trap for you here is the ‘I need everything they’ve got before I can jump onto their ladder.
That’s dangerous too – those people you’re comparing yourself to may have had years and years to build what they have, and again – they are not you!
The only thing that you might have in common is that they once were in a place like you and they decided to take the first step. They made a decision that they wanted to change. Their first act of courage was to say – you know what, this old ladder is no longer the ladder for me and so I’m going to create myself a safety net and then give jumping a try. I know that they will have said this without having everything clear in their minds on how it will work out, the only thing they know for certain is that jumping feels more right than staying and so their focus moves onto the jump that needs to be made.
When you are starting out any big change, focus on the jump and creating safety around that.
Know that you just need you, you are more than enough.
Have the courage to see that your experience is unique and only you know when it feels like the right time to jump and that whatever happens, you’ll figure out the details on the way.
